awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize