4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
