Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
