You can't special order awesome
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
