VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize