The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
