so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
