We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
