Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize