He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
