I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
