I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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