By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize