8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
