i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
