She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
