I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
