24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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