the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
