I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you would pick up someone in the library
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
