Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
