Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
