I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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