I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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