HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
