Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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