So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
