I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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