I'm going to jail i love you
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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