to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
