strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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