i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
