He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Found your dick twin last night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
