last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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