if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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