Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
