She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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