I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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