is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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