No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize