Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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