the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Come on in and take your pants off
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