So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
