you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
