she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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