I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She's the barista slut.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize