he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
