I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
