You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
