oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
