Joe is yelling at the trees again.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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