Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
