she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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