There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize