She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my being single is dangerous.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I will be naked everywhere
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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