if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize
