I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
