if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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