you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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