guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
